Why I’m Using the Word, ‘Expected’, From Now On.
In my Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion consultancy, the idea of language comes up regularly. It might be people telling me they don’t know what to say- what words to use to describe people without causing offense. It might be teams of people discussing what words to use to accurately convey their thoughts and values regarding DEI issues. It might even be how to handle specific texts on stage or in the curriculum- what words do we give staff to use in lessons or in programmes to convey unpleasant and harmful ideas and words. What words do we use to avoid offence? What words do we use to make it clear that these ideas don’t belong to us, but are in this text or play?
Words. Meaning. Feelings. All are connected.
Tolerance
British values are defined as: democracy; the rule of law; individual liberty; mutual respect and tolerance of those with different faiths and beliefs.
Tolerance. I’m pretty sure that people don’t want to be tolerated. The Cambridge Dictionary defines the word, ‘tolerance’ as,
to accept behaviour and beliefs that are different from your own, although you might not agree with or approve of them
to deal with something unpleasant or annoying, or to continue existing despite bad or difficult conditions
to bear something unpleasant or annoying, or to keep going despite difficulties
The key words that stand out to me in these definitions are, ‘accept’, ‘unpleasant’, ‘annoying’, ‘bad’, ‘to bear’, ‘unpleasant’ and ‘despite’. The message I receive from the word, ‘tolerate’ and from the definitions The Cambridge Dictionary provide is one of negativity: ‘You have to put up with people who are different from you, and we acknowledge that these people and their cultures are bad, annoying and unpleasant but you will have to just bear it because you are better than them’. This is my interpretation as it relates to me as a Mixed-Race woman living in Britain. Whether or not this is the intent of the word ‘tolerate’ for me is irrelevant, this is the outcome for me in the use of this word. I don’t want to be tolerated.
Accepted
I find that people and organisation who don’t like the word, ‘tolerate’ sometimes choose the word, ‘accepted’ or ‘acceptance’ instead. Dr Jonathan Ashong-Lamptey discusses the word, ‘acceptance’, in his podcast in some detail. Whilst I agree with him, I want to go slightly further. I acknowledge that this word is slightly better, but I’m still not comfortable with it.
The Cambridge Dictionary provides this definition of the word, ‘accept’:
‘to consider something or someone as satisfactory’
Something that is satisfactory is certainly not good. I take the word, ‘mediocre’ from the word, ‘satisfactory’. Surely, we are more than satisfactory as individuals. Let’s consider what this word might mean in the workplace. If we approach shortlisting for example, with the mindset that someone who is different from ourselves as ‘satisfactory’ or ‘acceptable’, our expectations of them are likely to be low and the way is paved for us to not offer people jobs and opportunities. Some may call this ‘unconscious bias’ but I feel this is an oversimplification and excusatory. I think the language we use, is integral to how we approach our own biases.
Celebrated
Now we are getting somewhere. A celebration is a positive thing, it has joyous connotations. Why shouldn’t we celebrate when someone who is a minority in a specific space is there? Let’s think about what this might look like. In simple terms it might be an awareness calendar where we mark events and occasions that are particularly relevant for groups of people with protected characteristics, such as Pride month, Black History Month, Eid and Diwali. There is a problem for me here, however. This celebratory approach can be performative- an easy way of appearing to stand in solidarity with others but lacking meaningful verbs and actions behind it to ensure a space is actually inclusive and where people can show up as authentic versions of themselves and progress.
In addition, the word ‘celebrate’ can build up unrealistic expectations and misunderstanding of the needs of the people being celebrated. We know about the euphoria that organisations can feel when they appoint a Black or Global Majority person into a senior role, only for the organisation to not be ready for them; racism creeps in, barriers are put in place and one way or another, that Black or Global Majority person leaves the organisation. I urge organisations to focus on inclusivity first, well before they think about diversifying an organisation that has discrimination in its systems.
In short, celebration can come to early for me, and be too surface level to really make me feel included.
Expected
This is the word I now prefer and will use. The Cambridge Dictionary has the following definitions:
believed to be going to happen or arrive
believed to be something that should happen or be done
Let me outline why I like this term:
I feel there is a lack of performance in it- I’m not asking you to like me, I’m not asking you to pretend that you don’t have biases towards me or other groups of people, you and your organisation don’t have to pretend or perform for my benefit. You can be authentic, and so can I. When you tolerate me, my feelings are closely linked to yours and I don’t want any responsibility for that. ‘Expect’ creates an emotional distance that I feel comfortable with as an individual and a consultant.
It has an anticipatory connotation in line with The Equality Act 2010. The expectation of the Equality Act is that organisations should be anticipatory and prepare for people with protected characteristics to be in the space. This might look like implementing flexible working, preparing toilet facilities to accommodate disabled people, preparing toilets to be gender neutral, and looking carefully at policy and procedure before anyone needs them. The word ‘expected’ echoes this in my opinion. I can feel confident using the word ‘expected’ in my work as a DEI consultant, it chimes with my values and strategies in this role.
It suggests that people like me, and people with protected characteristics should be in spaces, that people have a right to be there and that it is about time, which it is. It says, ‘expect me at interview, expect me in your doctor’s surgery, expect me to be your line manager, expect me to be giving advice, expect me to be qualified. Expect me to be everywhere'. It is an unapologetic word and puts the onus on us to do the necessary work and preparation.
How this will affect my work
In 2022, I will be talking to organisations and leaders about what work they are doing to be anticipatory and to create a culture of expectance. This will include, but will not be limited to:
Checking policy to remove language with performative and negative connotations.
Ensure we work with hiring managers on Inclusive Recruitment and Retention with a focus on creating a sense of expectation that people with protected characteristics will be in the space and providing opportunities for them to develop and progress professionally.
Embedding the word, ‘expected’ and its derivatives in my language to and with groups and individuals in my consultancy work.
Embedding the word, ‘expected’ in my coaching work around authenticity and imposter syndrome.
Carefully reviewing my training materials to ensure this sentiment is communicated throughout.
Reflections
How might you reflect on the words and terminology you use? How do you feel about the words I have explored in this blog?
If you would like to discuss this with me and how it affects you as an individual or your organisation you can contact me here.