A Sense of Belonging
‘Welcome home’, they said, and I cried.
I’m just back from 10 days in Jamaica, the country of my father’s birth. This isn’t the first time I’ve been, I’ve been lucky enough to visit Jamaica three times previously, but this time was special- I took my husband and my children and it has been 30 years since my last visit.
I’ve always felt comfortable and at home in JA but as an adult this visit had more meaning. As an EDI practitioner there is a lot to deal with and navigate:
I am often in predominantly white spaces and have to use subtle skills and techniques to engage people and take them with me on an EDI journey.
I am often in predominantly white spaces where I experience microaggressions and discrimination because I am simply not expected.
The work can be emotionally laborious
Research and CPD can be upsetting and triggering.
As a business owner, there is a lot to juggle and it is a steep learning curve, so I was ready for this holiday. I remember the joy of being in Jamaica and I was looking forward to it a great deal. My children are 15 now, and I knew they were also ready to see the country their grandfather came from and see other narratives about Black people other than the ones they are presented at school.
I stepped from the coach which took me from Montego Bay to the hotel and was greeted by a man who was there to take our bags. He looked me in the face and said, ‘welcome home’. What did he see in me that made him say that? There were plenty of other Black people around me, and he didn’t say ‘welcome home’ to them. Was it my facial features that said, ‘Jamaican’ to him? Or was it something in my eyes.
The following day at the beach a woman I came to know later as Maria chatted with me. She asked me if I’d been to Jamaica before, I told her. She also looked at me and said, ‘welcome home’.
On both occasions, I was brought to tears. I felt seen. I felt connected to a place and to people who seemed to ‘know me’ although we had never met. I needed to hear those words more than I even realised. It was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time.
Just like my previous visits I felt totally at ease in Jamaica. I understood the ‘language’ both literally and figuratively. I didn’t have to change the way I speak or what I wear in order to fit in. There was nothing to explain. I experienced zero discrimination and zero othering.
My ‘ah ha’ moment was profound. It was one evening whilst eating Jamaican food, surrounded by my family, and other Jamaican people working in all sorts of roles and there as guests. It was an evening after being on a trip to learn about the Maroon people, to visit sites and to eat local food. We had laughed and chatted all day.
I had to explain nothing about myself. I came to realise in a way I hadn’t done before, that this is what it must feel like for white people, living in and navigating white spaces, but this is a very surface level analysis of my experience.
In that moment I realised THIS is what it feels to belong.
To feel utterly safe
To feel completely welcomed in and wanted in a place
To feel happy and comfortable
To feel able to just be
To have my physical and emotional needs catered for.
This sense of belonging is going to inform all of my EDI work from this point for clients and also for myself as a practitioner who has realised that rest and connection has to feature much more highly in my life.